Dad raped and murdered mum but I forgave him on his deathbed and even apologised to him

Samantha Lawler's dad Leo was jailed for life for killing her mum - but despite justice being served, there was something stopping her from moving on with her life

Samantha Lawler was just 18 when she returned home to find her mum Suzanne dead on the couch. The 50-year-old had been raped and strangled - just days after telling her husband, Samantha's dad Leo, she was leaving him. Lawler, 57, admitted rape and first-degree murder. He was spared the death penalty but sentenced to life in prison. Although justice was done, Samantha was unable to move on with her life for another 13 years - until she decided to forgive her father. Incredibly, not only did she forgive his heinous crime, but SHE apologised to HIM for not visiting him in prison. Now 33, Samantha said: "I lost both my parents when my dad killed my mum and I spent the next ten years unable to move on, blaming him for what he did. "When I finally saw him 13 years after he killed Mum, I told him I loved him and I was sorry I hadn’t visited. "I forgave him and felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders. I got my dad back and my life back too. I could finally move on."

Samantha, a waitress from New York, remembers spending a happy childhood with her sister, Kim, before their mum’s death. She said: "[My parents] argued like anyone and sometimes Dad called Mum stupid. "But otherwise I thought we were pretty normal. Dad was always trying to make us laugh." But when Samantha was 18, her mum confessed she wanted to leave her husband. "I wanted Mum to be happy so I supported her," she said. "But Dad told her if she left he’d put her six feet under. "He said things like that all the time when he was angry, we didn’t think he was serious. It left her even more determined to get out though." Samantha was confident her mum would cope on her own. "She had plans to study teaching and was excited about getting her own place, but Dad wasn’t adjusting. "Mum hadn’t even left and he stopped going to work and started drinking heavily." In December 1999, a week after Lawler had threatened his wife, teenage Samantha came home to find her mum lying on the sofa covered in a blanket. She recalls: "It wasn’t like her to take naps in the day, but I assumed she was asleep so not wanting to disturb her, I went upstairs. "But two hours later I came down to find Mum hadn’t moved. Then I noticed blue patches on her face and realised she wasn’t breathing. "I shook her body, moved the blanket and found her shirt pulled open. "I started to resuscitate her but it was too late. She had already gone. I knew Dad had done it and I knew my life was never going to be the same again." Lawler went on the run but was tracked down the following day hiding in a motel under a false name and arrested. The family decided they didn’t want him to receive the death penalty. Samantha said: "I wanted him to suffer in prison and spend time thinking about what he’d done." In November 2000 Lawler, of Northeast Second Street, Broward County, pleaded guilty to first-degree murder and rape at a Florida court. He was sentenced to life in prison without parole. The next ten years passed in a blur for Samantha, who struggled to cope with what had happened. "I’d look through family photos knowing Dad would never walk me down the aisle and my children – if I had a family – would never meet their grandparents," she said. In 2010, sister Kim visited their dad in prison. Samantha said: "She told me he’d had a stroke and couldn’t speak or move his right side, but I was still too angry with him to care." But it was another two years before Samantha herself became curious about her father. In October 2012, she called the prison where Lawler, then 69, was being held. "They told me they’d been trying to reach me as Dad was in hospital days from death. I wanted to ask why he’d killed Mum and I realised this could be my last chance." Visiting her dad in Jacksonville Hospital, Samantha said she barely recognised him. "His limbs were curled up close to his body after he’d had multiple strokes," Samantha recalled. "He had a machine breathing for him so he couldn’t talk and couldn’t move. "He was handcuffed to the bed but really not in any state to hurt anyone. I felt sorry for him. "For years I’d wanted him to suffer and now he was, I felt guilty that I’d wished it. "I thanked him for being an incredible dad and realised he was a good person who’d done something wrong. "I told him I loved him and I was sorry I hadn’t visiting. Then I said I forgave him." After her visit, doctors told Samantha that, normally, patients with his condition are allowed to choose between being treated or being allowed to die. But prisoners didn’t have those same rights and would be treated regardless. "They gave me the chance to end his suffering," Samantha said. "I realised if Dad was treated he would remain handcuffed to a bed all his life and I didn’t want him to be in any pain." Two days later, doctors ceased treatment and Lawler passed away. "I was pleased I got to say goodbye," Samantha said. "I would have never forgiven myself if I hadn’t. "People are amazed I forgave my dad. They don’t think they could do the same. "I thought the same once, but I realised hating him every day wasn’t doing me any good."